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Pokretne stepenice

bebili | 17 Januar, 2012 23:53

Ja volim maj. I ovaj je bas lep.

Sedim u svojoj bašti, naslonjena na drvo trešnje, koju je posadio davno moj deda Sava. Sedim sklopljenih očiju i osećam kako me podnevno sunce razgrejava. I nekako mi je baš lepo.

Iznad mene mreškaju se neki sitni cirusi. Ne moram da otvaram oči da bih ih videla.

Deluju kao benediktanska čipka rasprostrta na plavom astalu.

Od pre nekog vremena počela sam mnogo jasnije da osećam boje, mirise, toplinu, glasove. Gotovo da bih mogla to da opipam i nacrtam , da umem i da mogu. Možda bih mogla i da ih izvajam, ali nemam matrijal za to.

Iza naše trešnje je trem. Na tremu drveni rasklimatani sto, bajcovan u teget ,  ja bajcovala i to prilično uspešno i stolice na kojima su jastuci, koje sam sašila pre skoro 16 godina od ostataka materijala.

Toliko sam tad imala slobodnog vremena da se tog vremena nerado sećam.

Morala sam da čuvam trudnoću sa Anom i više nisam znala kako bih to vreme popunila.

To je valjda jedini period u našem životu , mom i Petrovom, kad je svaka fioka bila složena do perfekcije, na svim policama sve pod uglomerom, svi tanjiri poredjani kako treba, sve šolje i čase uglancane do neprepoznatljivost, sve kuhinjske krpe nekoliko puta otkuvane, čarape uparene, dokumenta sortirana po godinama, važnosti i azbucnom redu.

Dokona trudnica sa preporukom da se više odmara nego što diše.

Pa gde mene nadjoste da mi to posavetujete i naredite?!

Ok, poslusala sam lekare i leškarila, sa iglom u ruci,na relaciji sporet, krevet, malo stajanja i sredjivanja kuće, opet krevet, frizider, pletaća igla, knjiga.

O dosadnog li perioda u mom životu....ne ponovilo se.

Lepo je prošao porodjaj sa Anom. Nismo se namučile ni ona , ni ja.

Kako je bila majušna kad smo je doneli u ovu kuću, majko mila!

Skoro da nisam smela da je uzmem u ruke.

Manite me priče o materinskom instiktu,  ja tih 3450 g stvarno nisam znala kako da uhvatim, a da ne ispustim, bar prvih par dana.

Petar je definitivno bio mnogo veštiji, ali on je prosto takav. On sve ume bolje od mene.

Ili se meni tako čini...ne znam....više mi i nije baš važno da poredim naše umeće, a nije mi  ni moguće.

Petar danas sedi na jednom od mojih pačvork jastuka, čita knjigu u zelenom omotu i srkuće kafu. Ana sa crvenom kanticom na tufne zaliva ružu. Tu ružu što  zaliva smo  posadili za njen prvi rodjendan.

Da gledamo kako rastu obe. Baš smo nesto bili razneženi taj dan, "kao dva sredovečna pedera na svoju godišnjicu zabavljanja".

Tako je rekao moj muž, da "popravi" utisak čoveka kome samo što suze nisu krenule kad je Ana doteturala do njega u lakovanim cipelicama.

Juče je dobila najbolju ocenu iz njenog omiljenog predmeta. Sva je ponosna, a Boga mi, i ja sam.

Morala sam malo da pripomognem i kad je pravila pauzu i sišla da napravi sendvič, ja sam okrenula knjigu na početnu stranicu lekcije za koju sam znala da će da je propituju.

Kad se vratila sa sendvičima u tanjiru, mahinalno je sela i nastavila da uči, baš tu lekciju koju sam joj "poturila".

Začudila sam se koliko su današnje generacije "odjavljene" , toliko da se ni ne sećaju gde su stali sa učenjem.

Briki leži na pola metra od mene, vire mu uši iz trave i tiho pućka, dremka i meškolji se.

Divan je to pas, meke dlake, bistrog pogleda. 

Srećom  ne ume da govori, mnogi bi se zapanjili njegovom inteligencijom i još koje čime.

Pružila sam ruku da ga pomazim.

Poskočio je kao oparen i krenuo da preglasno i izbezumljeno cvili i vrti se u krug, a onda se naglo umirio i vratio u prvobitni polozaj. 

Moj muž i Ana su zapanjeno pogledali i oboje izgovorili u isti glas:

- Pobogu, šta je ovom psu?! Kao da ponekad poludi...

Gledam moju ćerku Anu, ne bez ponosa.

Prošle nedelje je napunila 15 godina i lepa je kao vila.

Ne znam na koga se denula.

Ni muž , ni ja nismo  bas reprezentativan primerak.

Medjutim, vidim da u njenim venama dominira gen njene bake, koja je baš bila posebna.

Tačno ga vidim kako se utkao u svaku njenu poru i ćeliju.

Dobra je ova moja Ana, hrabra i nekako stamena. Nije od onih rasipajućih emotivaca, a nije ni da nije emotivac. Taman onako, umereno, kako treba.

Čujem je nekad kako tiho zaplače ispod pokrivača.

Priseti se nečeg, nešto joj zafali iz nekih drugih vremena. Šteta sto nemam načina da je utešim. Takva je ona i treba je pustiti. 

Gledam pomno svog muža i vidim da je ostario nekako pre vremena, pa mi neka tuga.

Koža, koja je nekad bila moj lični opijat, sad se nekako pergamentirala i zategla neprirodno na njegovim jagodicama.

Pogrbio se, ali ne bih rekla da je to od bolova u kičmi, nego nekako kao da se zgrbio da srce gurne unazad i da ga sakrije, ako me razumete.

Nabavio je nove naočare, a  ne mogu da mu kažem da su užasne.

Kad sam ja birala model, to je uvek bio neki neupadljiv, elegantan sa tankim ramom i lepo se uklapao u njegovo ovalno lice.

Ovaj koji je sam odabrao je bas nekako grub , debeo i neprikladan.

Sad će da ga nosi bar nekoliko godina, ali sam smislila podlu pakost.

Sakriću mu naočare ispod jastuka, sešće na njih i moraće da nabavi nove.

Gori ram od ovoga ne može da kupi! Nije proizveden!

Eto, ja i dalje polažem pravo da detaljišem, baš sam neka čudna sorta. Kao da je to važno kakav mu je ram?!

Od kad je onda naglo oslabio, ne uspeva da povrati svoju uobicajenu kilažu i to ga čini jos starijim.

Nervira me, jer se tako retko smeje, a divan je kad se smeje...

Osmeh je bio njegovo najmoćnije oružje.

Sva je vrata otvarao tim svojim osmehom, svaku kasirku obrlatio da ga primi preko reda, zahvaljujući tom osmehu kamčio je uvek po 200 grama više kajmaka na pijaci od onoga što realno plati. 

A vidi sad, skupio usta, stisnuo ih kao neka pakosna i zavidna žena već mesecima i ni najmanji trag onog nekadašnjeg ni osmeha , ni čoveka.

Baš me ljuti, ali baš!

Bar bi danas mogao da se natera, mene radi, da se bar na kratko osmehne. Zna on odlično koliko sam ja volela taj osmeh.

A danas mi , preko svega i rodjendan.

Ja ove godine tortu ne pravim, a njih dvoje nisu ništa naručili na tu temu.

Na kratko ulazim u kuću  do kuhinje.

Gvirnem u firizder. Ništa nema.

E pa stvarno se pitam šta će se danas jesti u ovoj kući! Neverovatni su!

Sporim korakom dolazim do  praga , tu se polako spuštam i sedam.

I odatle imam pogled na nase dvorište kao i kad sam naslonjena na drvo naše trešnje.

Ana spušta praznu kanticu za zalivanje cveća, odlazi do česme, pere ruke.

Moj muž odlaže knjigu u zelenom omotu na naš rasklimatani sto, upitno pogleda u nju i kaže:

- Hoćemo li?

Ana mu klimne glavom, udje u kucu po makaze, dodje do naše rascvetale majske ruže, pažljivo iseče par komada najvećih i umota u hartiju.  

Oboje navlače cipele.

Anine su prašnjave i pomalo izguljene.

Baš joj je vreme da ih promeni, kupi nove ,a ove baci.

Moja se ćerka vezuje za stvari, rekla bih, gotovo neprirodno.

Ove sam joj kupila jos pre 2 godine i ne izlazi iz njih.

-Navuci dzemper, gore uvek duva - dobacuje joj otac.

Ana mu daje buket  da  pridrži, ustrčava uz stepenice, navlači zeleni končani dzemper, sjuri se niz stepeniste, grli oca, uzima mu buket iz ruku i šeretski pita:

- Zadovoljan, gospodine? Sve sam tvoje zapovesti izvršila.

Otac joj namigne nežno, zagrli je preko ramena i polako krenu ka kapiji.

Sad će da se spuste  niz ulicu, do ćoška.

Tu će da uskoče u autobus br. 104 i da sidju na devetoj stanici od početne.

Onda će da prodju kroz još jednu kapiju i da odu do parcele br 72.

Tamo stoji parče drveta sa mojim imenom: Sofija Gaus i datumom od prošle godine.

Ostaviće mi ruže, malo će da postoje iznad upaljenih sveća i vratiće se istim putem kući.

Ja ću ih za to vreme čekati na pragu  naše kuće, još uvek naslonjena na dovratak.

Mogu ja sad tako danima , a da me više nikad ledja ne ukoče od promaje.

Za njih nevidljiva, ali i dalje fukcionalna na jedan, njima nerazumljiv i  nepojmljiv način.

Za neku godinu, prezicnije za tačno jedanaest godina - staću na nešto što bih najednostavnije mogla uporediti sa pokretnim stepenicama  i pomoću njih ću naglo uleteti u matericu moje ćerke.

Ona će za devet meseci roditi sina. Ja ću tad dobiti novo ime, novi krevetac i novu ulogu.

A moja Ana će meni postati majka.

 

Generalna | Sledeći | Prethodni | Komentari (168) | Trekbekovi (0)

Komentari

Re: Pokretne stepenice

biljanak | 18/01/2012, 08:41

Vau, kakav nečekivan kraj. Ali prija maj u januaru.

Re: Pokretne stepenice

razmisljanka | 18/01/2012, 09:58

Retko čitam dugačke postove, ali ovu priču sam pročitala u dahu i na kraju se naježila, a i oči su mi se ovlažile. Shvatila sam na polovini priče da je ona duh, kod njegovih naočara. Lepo, zaista.

Re: Pokretne stepenice

stepskivuk | 18/01/2012, 10:20

POdsetila si me zasto volim ovo mesto...
na zalost,sve je manje dobrih tekstova,onih koji stavljaju bez daha.
Sto se citaju u tom istom dahu...

Mislim da je ovo nesto najbolje sto sam procitao u poslednje vreme.

Blog je nekada bio riznica dobrih tekstova jos boljih autora.
Sada to,na zalost, nije slucaj.

Ali kada se,najzad,objavi nesto ovako divno,ostanem zatecen i nem.

I citavog dana se,u mislima,vracam na ovakav tekst.

Pozdrav,Bebili!

Re: Pokretne stepenice

sanjarenja56 | 18/01/2012, 16:42

Jako retko pišeš, ali kad napišeš, ima šta da se pročita!

Re: Pokretne stepenice

S | 24/01/2012, 05:23

Pre par godina sam redovno citala jednu osobu na Serbian cafe-u, diskusija zdravlje i kozmetika. Ne znam da li si to bila Ti, tu osobu sam uzivala da citam a stil pisanja vam je neverovatno slican.
U svakom slucaju, price su ti mnogo lepe.

bebili

bebili | 24/01/2012, 17:06

Nisam ja ta, na serbian cafeu :) Drago mi je da ti se dopadaju price.

Pa gde si ti bebili

Suzana Vasic | 06/02/2012, 12:20

Neznam kako i zasto sam te "nasla" na internetu, ustvari znam sedela sam za kompjuterom bilo je kasno, svi su spavali a ja se uzelela pijace, dobrih i pametnih seljaka sa kojima sam uvek volela da popricam... a ovde toga nema, nema vec 30 godina u Sidneju. Ali kad god se vratim tu uvek sledeci dan odem na pijacu, da opipam, pomirisem..... Nisam iz Beograda mada ga volim...iz drevnog sam Smedereva... i nekako sam se priblizila tebi i tvojim pricama, vrsnjakinje smo i tako...... dodjem na tvoj sajt, zapalim cigaru, popijem kafu, nasmejem se i rastuzim kao da smo ono "znam te pusko......"Pozdravljam te i nadam se da ti nije bas tako jako hladno tamo u Beogradu.Suzana

Re: Pokretne stepenice

bebili | 11/02/2012, 18:26

Suzna, dobro dosla na blog...raduje me da neko u mojim pisanijama i uziva malo...trenutno i nisam u Beogradu...a tu gde sam, toplo je bas. All racunam , gde god da sam , ako mi je toplo u dusi, toplo mi je i u ostalim delovima tela...

evolucija

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